


Heroes (We Were Supposed To Survive)

by vulcanistics



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: AU, AU cause it involves death, Death, Dreams, F/M, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-19
Updated: 2013-04-19
Packaged: 2017-12-08 22:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/766752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcanistics/pseuds/vulcanistics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seb dies, leaving Jenson broken hearted but then Jenson starts dreaming about Seb and having flash backs about their time together</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heroes (We Were Supposed To Survive)

**Author's Note:**

> Genre: Well, this is sad and angsty and fluff all mixed into one
> 
> A/N: I’m sorry, I’m apologising at the very beginning. I’m not sure what the funeral customs are in Germany, so sorry if I got into wrong. Since the times change throughout the story, my tenses may be wrong. And another thing, italics are used for flash backs and for dream/ after death conversations. Title's a play on the song ‘Heroes’ by Mika.  
> And most importantly, it’s an AU (really long one)

***

_Jenson stares suspiciously at Sebastian who was squatting on the floor with bits of coloured paper and a paint box spread before him_

_“Seb… what are you doing?”_

_Seb glances up at Jenson and grins,_

_“Isn’t it your birthday tomorrow?”_

_Jenson laughs and slides down from the bed to sit next to Seb,_

_“Can I see it?”_

_Seb playfully shoves Jenson away and turns his back away from Jenson,_

_“Go away, Jenson… it’s supposed to be a surprise.”_

_“Love, you aren’t a master at art, so you might as well show it to me…”_

_Seb frowns,_

_“You shouldn’t go about insulting your boyfriend like that!”_

_Jenson lightly kisses Seb on his cheek,_

_“But I love you…”_

***

Everybody has come, that’s all Jenson’s mind registers as he walks down the aisle. The mass hadn’t even started but quite a number of the drivers already had tears streaming down their face. Jenson sees Kimi and Kimi just looks shattered; he isn’t crying or anything but his face is ashen. Mark glances at him and Jenson can see that Mark had obviously been crying. Fernando was kneeling down, his hands joint in prayer and Felipe; a little distance away was also in prayer. Damon Hill, Nigel Mansell, Michael Schumacher, Robert Kubica, David Coulthard, Jake Humphrey; they’ve all come. And then Jenson sees Seb; beautiful, perfect Seb and his heart stops in his chest. Sebastian looks so peaceful and so calm and Jenson almost believes Seb is just asleep. He half-expects Seb to open his eyes and smile at him sleepily but Seb isn’t going to do that; Sebastian is dead.

Jenson sees there are already bouquets and wreathes but he’s come with just a single flower, a white lily. Seb loved white lilies.

***

_Jenson smiles at the white lily in his hand. Sebastian was such a random person, an extremely hyper, talkative, lovable random person. The white lily had been a gift from Sebastian. Jenson had obviously been momentarily taken aback by the flower but then again it was Seb and Jenson loves all the tiny gestures of affection Seb gives._

_Jessica glances up at Jenson as he enters their hotel room and then she sees the lily,_

_“Is that for me?”_

_Jenson is startled,_

_“Do you want it?”_

_He doesn’t want to give it to Jessica. Why should he give it to Jessica? Seb gave it to him. Jessica shakes her head,_

_“No, you know I hate lilies. Where did you get it from anyway?”_

_“A friend gave it to me.”_

_Jessica’s eyes narrow,_

_“A female friend? Should I be worried?”_

_Jenson laughs and lies without flinching,_

_“No, a guy gave it to me…so you don’t have to be worried about anything.”_

***

Hanna stops the undertaker before he can remove the white lily placed in Seb’s coffin. She knows whose flower it is and she knows that Seb would have liked to have it because he was a die-hard romantic and a big softie. Plus, he was so in love.

“Let the flower be.”

Jenson taps Hanna on her shoulder. He’s already offered his condolences to Seb’s family. It had been hard because they were all gutted but he couldn’t tell them just how much he loved Seb because they had never told their parents about their relationship. Now he just has to wish Hanna and then, he can leave. Hanna smiles at him and hugs Jenson,

“Thank you.”

Jenson waits until Hanna takes a step back and then he asks,

“For what?”

“For loving him.”

Jenson gulps and for the first time, that day, he begins to cry. He had been trying so hard not to lose his composure but poof! It had disappeared.

“You knew about us?”

“I was Seb’s best friend before I was his girlfriend and after we broke up… I went back to being his best friend and he always told me stuff.”

Jenson closes his eyes because there were emotions wrecking havoc with his heart. He turns to leave but Hanna holds onto his hand and whispers,

“He loved you… he really did.”

***

_“What- what was that about?”_

_Jenson manages to splutter out after Sebastian finishes kissing him. Seb, who he’d always thought was perfectly straight had kissed him in an over-crowded bar. Thank God for the crowd! Sebastian stares at Jenson and Jenson can’t help but think that Seb mildly resembles a deer trapped in the headlights. Sebastian opens his mouth to speak but Jenson beats him to it,_

_“Is this the alcohol talking or is this… you know… real, serious?_

_Sebastian gulps nervously,_

_“I like you and no, not alcohol… I’ve… actually wanted to do that for the longest time…”_

_And then Sebastian looks down because he doesn’t want to see Jenson storm away from him but before he knows what’s happening, he’s being pulled away from the club and out into the streets where it’s cold but quiet and there isn’t anybody around._

_Jenson smiles at Seb,_

_“Hi.”_

_Seb glances around, just a bit unsure of himself,_

_“Hey…”_

_And before Jenson kisses Seb, he mumbles,_

_“I like you, too.”_

***

Jessica isn’t home when Jenson gets back to Monaco for the same reason why she wasn’t at Seb’s funeral; she had a modelling assignment to fulfil. Jenson doesn’t bother to eat; he just needs to be sleep. Normally, he would have called Seb and had a three hour conversation with him but he couldn’t do that anymore.

The feeling in his stomach that had emerged when Mark had phoned him to inform him about Seb’s death suddenly got a lot stronger.

***

_Jenson grins when he sees Mark’s name flash on his screen,_

_“Hey! What’s up?”_

_There’s silence from Mark’s side and Jenson suddenly feels very worried because when Mark says hi, his voice is trembling,_

_“Mark? Is everything alright?”_

_“No…it’s not…”_

_And Mark begins to cry and Jenson feels his palms get clammy._

_“What…what’s going on?”_

_“It’s Seb.”_

_If Jenson had been feeling a little bit worried a few minutes earlier; now, his whole world seemed to have come crashing down. He manages to mutter,_

_“What happened?”_

_“There’s been an accident in Switzerland. He was walking and a guy swerved onto the sidewalk and crashed into him and took off.”_

_“How is he?”_

_The silence that follows is the most torturous silence Jenson has ever encountered,_

_“Mark? How is he?”_

_“He was gravely injured…”_

_“Is he okay?”_

_“Jense, they were critical injuries and they could save him… He’s dead…”_

_Jenson doesn’t wait to hear anything more and cuts the call. He needs to throw up. Seb, his Seb was… dead. It was over. All the moments spent together, the kisses shared, the promises made and their love; it was all over._

***

Jenson gets up next morning and fakes a bright smile when he sees Jessica in the kitchen,

“Hey… how was the modelling?”

Jessica places a cup of tea before Jenson and smiles,

“It was great… how was the-”

Jenson shakes his head and Jessica doesn’t bother to finish her question because Jenson obviously didn’t want to talk about it. He stares out the window and says softly,

“It’s beautiful.”

Jessica waits for Jenson to continue and he does,

“Heppenheim, Seb’s hometown, it’s a beautiful place; quaint and tiny.”

Then tears begin to flow and Jessica watches helplessly as Jenson breaks down before her eyes,

“Jenson?”

“Just gives me a minute.”

Jessica doesn’t just give Jenson a minute, she gives him a day. She lets Jenson sit down on the floor and doesn’t push him to talk about it. Jenson sits wordlessly and doesn’t get up until Jessica comes to inform him that its nearing midnight and tells him affectionately that he needs to get  some sleep.

***

_“Do you love Jessica?”_

_Sebastian asks Jenson, trying to keep his expression as casual as possible. Jenson grins at Seb in amusement,_

_“Are you jealous?”_

_Sebastian blushes slightly and stares with great interest at the plate of whatever it was Jenson had ordered,_

_“No… I mean… I just… ugh, forget it…”_

_Jenson smiles at the embarrassed look on Seb’s face,_

_“Jessica is nice but there’s this guy who has just swept me of my feet and I really like him. He has a certain effect on me that Jess never had. I don’t know what it is about him but he’s like a part of me and he’s crazy but he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me”_

_Sebastian smiles shyly, his cheeks pink in joy,_

_“Really?”_

_“Yeah, okay maybe my championship is better than him,”_

_Jenson smirks at Seb’s indignant expression and continues,_

_“Nah, I love this guy, he’s everything and what about you? I heard rumours from a very reliable source that there’s a boy in your life, as well.”_

_“Umm… yeah, he’s lovely and I can’t believe that he actually likes me because I’m a strange person and he’s kind of perfect. Flawless looking with a heart of gold…yeah… he’s such an amazing guy, you would like him.”_

_“Yeah, I have a feeling I would… Introduce me to him someday.”_

_Then they sit that grinning at each other like idiots. Just before dessert arrives Jenson thinks of something that had been bothering him for quite sometime,_

_“Seb, what about Hanna?”_

_Sebastian doesn’t seem surprised by the question, he’s answer is prompt and Jenson wonders if maybe Seb had been preparing for it. When he replies there’s conviction in his voice and Jenson’s fascinated by the confident and sure side of Seb,_

_“Hanna was and is my best friend. I’ve known her for the longest time and somewhere along the way we became boyfriend and girlfriend. Then life happened and that love spark died but that bond of friendship didn’t. We grew apart as a couple but Hanna is still my best friend.”_

_Jenson smiles as the waiter brings him a slice of rich chocolate cake but today, chocolate isn’t going to distract him from what he’d really like to know,_

_“Seb, why don’t you ask me to break up with Jessica?”_

_“Because I want you to do what you really want…”_

_“I don’t want to sneak around behind her back.”_

_“But you don’t want to break up with her, either?”_

_“Exactly…”_

_It’s a strange conversation, one that plays in Jenson’s head for a long time after that dinner. Seb hadn’t demanded that he break up with Jessica._

***

Jenson glances at Jessica fast asleep and wonders if things would have been different if he had decided to break up with her… would Seb still have been with him?

He doesn’t know when sleep takes over his tired body but it does and there’s someone waiting for him. A blond, blue-eyed German named Sebastian Vettel.

Sebastian smiles at him,

_“Hey…”_

Jenson doesn’t say anything but stares at Seb. Seb looks so happy and peaceful and angelic. Jenson stretches his hand out to touch Seb’s cheek and he half-expects his hand to sail right through Seb but it doesn’t. He lets out a small cry of surprise and joy when he feels the warmth from Seb’s skin,

_“Hi… How are you?”_

Jenson can’t believe that he’s actually making small talk with  _dream_  Seb. He should be hugging him and holding him close. He wants to hold him and never let him go. Sebastian laughs and Jenson wants to cry because Seb’s laughter is the sound of angels singing and it’s just the sound of everything that’s beautiful,

_“I’m good… I miss you though…”_

Jenson kisses Seb and it’s lovely because it’s almost like Seb has never even left,

_“I miss you too…”_

Jenson pulls Sebastian closer to him and hugs him like he always used to and cries,

_“Why did you have to die?”_

_“It was meant to be…”_

_“But we were supposed to have our happy ever after…”_

Jenson isn’t happy when he wakes up because he’d rather be with Seb, even if it was the Seb his dreams had brought to life.

***

_“Goal!”_

_Sebastian yells and nearly falls of the couch when Lukas Podolski scores and Jenson can’t help but roll his eyes. Sebastian turns to him with a great big grin,_

_“I told you Germany would win…”_

_Jenson scowls and despite the fact that he knows Seb’s probably going to be proved right in another five minutes he grunts,_

_“Don’t underestimate England.”_

_Eventually, Germany wins 3-1 but Jenson doesn’t really mind; he just finds an enthusiastic Seb fun to watch. And the phone suddenly rings and Jenson just rolls his eyes when Seb launches into a rapid volley of German. Once, the conversation’s finally over, Jenson glances at Seb and waits for him to explain,_

_“That was Nico Hülkenberg, he watched the match alone… Paul was in no mood to watch football and wanted to sleep. They share a room, you know… I don’t see why Force India can’t book them separate rooms…”_

_Jenson smiles and pretends that Seb’s explanation made sense because really he didn’t understand it or maybe his brain cells needed sleep,_

_“Paul got one thing right… I’m sleepy.”_

_The next morning, Jenson will wonder why Paul and Nico were sharing a room because first of all, they were on winter break and Paul and Nico weren’t even team mates any more. He doesn’t say anything and it eventually slips out of his mind._

_***_

Jenson does a double-take when he gets a call from Kimi. Wow, Kimi, sullen grumpy Kimi who somehow was best friends with one of the happiest persons in the world was calling him.

“Kimi?”

Kimi doesn’t beat around the bush and instead just gets straight to the point,

“Did you really love him?”

Jenson feels his breath catch in his throat and he is glad Jessica’s gone to visit one of her friends,

“Yes, he meant the world to me.”

“Good.”

And just like that the conversation is over and for the hundredth time, Jenson wonders what exactly Kimi and Seb used to talk about. Kimi knew about them because he’d once caught them making out in an elevator. Kimi had expectedly been unimpressed and had yelled at them without raising his voice. Yeah, Kimi could do that.

Seb had yelled back at him (loudly) and really Jenson had stood there awkwardly finding the fight rather amusing. Kimi had stormed of looking awfully mad and then Seb had run after him to sort things out and the next day Kimi had smiled at Jenson.

***

_“Jense!”_

_Dream_  Seb yells and flings his arms around Jenson who laughs,

_“Hey, kiddo, you’re going to show up in all of my dreams?”_

Sebastian looks at him in surprise, his lips slightly parted and eyes blank,

_“You don’t want me to?”_

_“No… no… no… I like you in my dreams.”_

_“I’ll go if you don’t want me…”_

_“No, don’t go, I’d be heartbroken.”_

Suddenly Jenson finds him sitting on a bench and he smiles; Seb had brought him here once. Seb’s sitting beside him,

_“Jenson…”_

_“What is it?”_

_“Don’t you love Jessica?”_

Jenson stares at Seb in astonishment,

_“Why are you asking me that?”_

_“She loves you and she’s always going to stand up for you and be by your side.”_

_“So, what are you implying?”_

_“She deserves… your love.”_

_“You know I love you!”_

_“I know, you do but what about Jessica, you loved her before you fell for me…”_

_“I fell for you bad, and Jess… I don’t want to betray you.”_

Jenson wants to cry because of all the damn things in the world, Seb’s asking him to do the hardest one. Seb kisses Jenson on his cheek and mumbles,

_“You can learn to love.”_

***

It’s a whole month before Jenson sees Seb in his dreams again and when he does, Jenson’s torn between whether he should shout at Seb for staying away so long or hug him for coming back.

_“I’m engaged.”_

The words come out with difficulty and Jenson can’t believe he’s telling the man he loves about his engagement to someone else. Sebastian beams and kisses Jenson on the lips,

_“Congratulations.”_

_“Will you come?”_

_“Where?”_

_“For my wedding… will you come for it?”_

_“Where is it going to be?”_

Jenson smiles sadly and says,

_“St. Peter’s Church in Heppenheim.”_

And then tears start rolling down Seb’s cheeks.

***

Jenson sees him at the very end. He’s standing in the furthest corner of the church and Jenson blinks twice to double-check and then smiles. Seb’s wearing a suit without a tie and he gives Jenson a small nod and Jenson’s heart sours. Seb came. But when he looks away to smile at the camera and looks back again, he’s not there

***

_“Thank you.”_

Sebastian smiles and ruffles Jenson’s hair,

_“You looked quite dashing in your suit and Jessica was a vision.”_

Jenson sighs, really, Seb was making this even harder,

_“Don’t do that…”_

_“What?”_

_“Don’t try to convince me that I made the right decision…”_

_“But you-”_

Jenson pulls Seb closer to him so that their noses are touching,

_“If I had made the right decision… you would have still been with me.”_

_“Are you still beating yourself up about that? It’s been more than a year… Jense, I’ve been dead for more than a year.”_

_“And I still think about you, everyday.”_

_“Live in your present, not your past.”_

***

The dreams in which Seb’s present become a lot less frequent but they don’t stop. Sometimes, Jenson goes for days without seeing his  _dream_  Seb and sometimes he dreams about Seb for three to four days straight. Jenson waits for the dreams to come because he can talk to Seb about his life and Seb would listen like he always used to.

One summer day, Jenson’s going through his wardrobe and he finds a t-shirt, Seb’s t-shirt. Seb had left it over one day and Jenson just never had the heart to give it back. He doesn’t wear it though; it’s a little bit too small for him. Holding the t-shirt in his hand, Jenson can’t help but wonder if the Seb in his head is the real one.

***

Jenson smiles at the blond, blue-eyed baby in his arms and when the nurse comes to ask him to fill in his son’s name and other details; he writes without hesitation,

_‘Sebastian Vettel Button’_

Later Jessica will go over the form and say,

“Vettel isn’t a very good middle name… I thought we’d decided on no middle names.”

And Jenson with his eyes fixed on his son will whisper more to himself than anybody,

“It had to be done.”

And Jessica will drop the matter because she knows that  Jenson loved and would always love Sebastian Vettel.

 ***

And when Jenson eventually dies, Seb’s waiting for him. Hugging him, Seb whispers with a smile,

_“Told you we’d survive and have our happy ever after.”_


End file.
